From “Biscuit Pants” to “Death to Flying Things” – MLB Nicknames Tell a Story

From “Iron Man” to “Biscuit Pants,” Lou Gherig was one of the kings of baseball nicknames.

Nicknames have always been a part of our national pastime – some complimentary (Joe “The Yankee Clipper” DiMaggio); some less so (Fred “Bootnose” Hoffman). In this post, BBRT will present two purely subjective nickname-based lineups – one focused on baseball’s best nicknames, the other on some of the national pastime’s worst. Lou Gehrig, by the way, is the only player to make both line-ups – by virtue of a pair of nicknames that followed him during his career: The Iron Horse and Biscuit Pants.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself.  Let get to the lists, leading off with some of MLB’s worst nicknames – often cruel, but always descriptive and almost always interesting.

—–WORST NICKNAME LINEUP—–

P – Hugh “Losing Pitcher” Mulcahy … Ouch! Mulcahy “enjoyed” a nine-season major league career (1935-47, minus five WWII years), during which he earned his nickname. He ran up a career record of 45-89, with a 4.49 ERA (primarily with the Phillies), leading the NL in losses twice, hits allowed once, earned runs allowed twice, walks allowed once, hit batsmen twice and wild pitches once. Notably, he made one MLB All Star squad; in 1944, when he led the NL with 22 losses (versus 13 wins), despite a respectable 3.60 ERA.

C – Gabby “Old Tomato Face” Hartnett … The Hall of Fame catcher reportedly picked up his nickname as he gained weight and developed a ruddy complexion. Notably, even “Gabby” was a nickname (real name Charles Leo Hartnett) – reflecting Hartnett’s career-long shyness and reluctance to speak to anyone, particularly reporters. Harnett played 20 MLB seasons (1922-41, all but the last season with the Cubs), hitting .297, with 236 home runs and 1,179 RBI. He was a six-time All Star and the 1935 NL MVP.

1B – Lou “Biscuit Pants” Gehrig …  Great player with multiple nicknames –ranging from Biscuit Pants on the low end to Buster in the middle to Iron Man on the high side.  The Biscuit Pants monitor acknowledged Gehrig’s baggy uniform pants, thick legs and sturdy derriere. A Hall of Famer, Gehrig played 17 seasons with the Yankees (1923-39), producing a .340 career average, with 493 home runs, 1,995 RBI and 1,888 runs scored. He was a seven-time All Star, two-time AL MVP, won one batting, title, led the AL in home runs three times, RBI five times, runs scored four times, doubles three times and triples once.

2B – Charlie “Piano Legs” Hickman …  At 5’9” and 215-pounds, it’s easy to imagine the source of Hickman’s nickname. Hickman played 1B, 2B and OF during his 12-year MLB career (1897-1908), delivering a .295 career average, with 50 home runs and 614 RBI. Hickman led the AL in hits and total bases in 1902, when he split time between Boston and Cleveland.

3B – Gary “The Rat” Gaetti … Despite hjis less then complimentary nickname, Gary Gaetti was anything but a rat on the field. Also known as G-Man, Gaetti had a 20-season MLB career (1981-2000 with the Twins, Angels, Royals, Cardinals, Cubs and Red Sox). He was a career .255 hitter, with 360 home runs and 1,341 RBI.  Gaetti was a two-time All Star, four-time Gold Glover at third base and the 1987 American League Championship Series MVP.

SS – Bill “Wagon Tongue” Keister … Unlike Gabby Hartnett (see the catcher on this list), Bill Keister just wouldn’t shut up.  In a seven-season MLB career (1896-1903), Keister played for Brooklyn, Boston, Saint Louis, and Philadelphia in the NL and Baltimore and Washington in the AL.  He hit .312, with 18 home runs, 400 RBI and 131 stolen bases – spending time at shortstop, third base and second base.   In the field, Wagon Tongue did not put his money where his mouth was.  In 1901, he set the all-time MLB low for fielding average by a shortstop (.851) – making 97 errors in 112 games (650 total chances).

LF – Johnny “Ugly” Dickshot … Not the best looking of men, it’s reported that Dickshot granted himself the title of the ugliest man in baseball.  Clearly, the combination of his nickname and actual name earns Dickshot a spot on this list of worst baseball nicknames.  In six major-league seasons (spread over 1936-45), he played in 322 games (Pirates, Giants, White Sox), hitting .276, with seven home runs and 116 RBI. More than half his career offensive production came in his final season (1945, White Sox), when he hit .302, with seven home runs and 58 RBI.

CF – Hunter “Captain Underpants” Pence … I hadn’t heard this one before, but as I searched for nicknames from a variety of sources, this came up for Pence. The story has it that, during a minor league game, an aggressive heckler thought that (on the minor league PA system) “Hunter Pence” sounded a lot like “Under Pants” and proceeded to taunt him with the Underpants chant, which  apparently had more staying power when teammates promoted Mr. Underpants to “Captain .”  In nine MLB seasons (2007-19; Astros, Phillies, Giants, Rangers), the still-active Pence has put up a .280-242-936 line, with 120 steals.  He is a four-time All Star – and has also hit .254, with two home runs and 16 RBI in 43 post-season games.  Primarily a right fielder, Pence has started 1,399 games in right, 95 in center and 53 in left.

RF – “Bucketfoot” Al Simmons … Another Hall of Famer on this list, Simmons’ nickname (which he disliked) was drawn from his batting stance.  The bucketfoot stance seemed to work for him. In 20 MLB seasons (1924-1944; Athletics, White Sox, Tigers, Senators, Braves, Reds, Red Sox), Simmons hit .334, with 307 home runs and 1,828 RBI. He led his league in batting average, hits and total bases twice each and RBI once.

So, there is BBRT’s worst nickname lineup. If I had a bench, it would be manned by such notables as: Fred “Bootnose” Hoffman; Walt “No Neck” Williams; Jeff “Penitentiary Face” Leonard; Bill “Dummy” Hoy; Ernie “Schnozz” Lombardi; Harry “Stinky”Davis; Don “The Gerbil” Zimmer;  Mike “The Human Rain Delay” Hargrove; Dick “Dr. Strangeglove” Stuart; and Bris “The Human Eyeball” Lord.

—–BEST NICKNAME LINEUP—–

Now, here’s the BBRT lineup based on a very subjective judgment of the  best baseball nicknames.  As you will note, solid performance often results in a solid (and memorable) nickname.

P – “Sudden” Sam McDowell … Yes, there are some Hall of Fame Pitchers with great nicknames. Walter “Big Train” Johnson, “Rapid Robert” Feller are  just two. However, that  “Sudden” nickname is my favorite.  McDowell – whose blazing heater could be past you with amazing suddenness – was a six-time All Star and five-time league strikeout leader. In a 15-year MLB career (1961-75 with the Indians, Giants, Yankees and Pirates), McDowell went 141-134, 3.17 and fanned 2,453 hitters in 2, 492 1/3 innings.

C – Johnny “Little General” Bench … Catchers are supposed to take charge on the field and this nickname fits Hall of Famer Johnny Bench both behind and at the plate. Bench was a leader for the Reds for 17 seasons (1967-83). He was a 14-time All Star, ten-time Gold Glover, two-time league HR leader, two-time league MVP, 1968 Rookie of the Year and 1976 World Series MVP

1B – Lou “The iron Horse” Gehrig … Hall of Fame slugger Lou Gehrig (see his career achievements in the worst nickname lineup under Biscuit Pants) earned this nickname for his combination of power and durability (until it was broken by Cal Ripken, Jr. in 1995, Gehrig held the record for consecutive games played at 2,130). Gehrig was also known as “iron Man” and “Buster” at various times.

2B – Felix “The Cat” Millan … The Cat earned his nickname for his slick fielding around the keystone sack.  In 12 MLB seasons (1966-77, with the Brave s and Mets), Millan was a three-time All Star and two-time Gold Glover. He put up respectable offensive numbers with a career line of .279-22-403, with 699 runs scored.

3B – Pete “Charlie Hustle” Rose … BBRT could have put the ultimate hustler in at nearly any place on the diamond, but I like his aggressive play at the hot corner – where Rose started 627 games in his career. MLB’s all-time hits leader (4,256), Rose played 24 seasons in the majors (1963-86) – with the Reds (19), Phillies and Expos. Known for his hustle and aggressive play, Rose was a 17-time All Star, three-time batting champion and two-time Gold Glover, as well as the 1963 NL Rookie of the Year and 1973 NL MVP. He led the NL in games played five times, hits seven times, double five times, and runs scored four times.

SS – Ozzie “The Wizard of Oz” Smith … In his 19 MLB seasons (1978-96) Padres, Cardinals), Hall of Famer Smith’s defensive wizardry earned him 13 Gold Gloves. The 15-time All Star had a career average of .262, with 28 home runs, 793 RBI, and 1,257 runs scored.

Ted Williams collected nicknames like he collected base hit – The Splendid Splinter, The Kid and Teddy Ballgame among them.

LF – Ted “The Splendid Splinter” Williams … Williams’ nickname – the Splendid Splinter – reflects his lanky, splinter-like build and his splendid skills.  Notably, Williams’ play earned him a team’s worth of nicknames – The Kid, Teddy Ballgame and The Thumper also among them.  Williams’ career on -base percentage of .482 is the best in baseball history.  Think about it – reaching base, basically, one of every two trips to the plate. Williams was a 19-time All Star, two-time MVP and two-time Triple Crown winner.  In 19 seasons with the Red Sox (1939-60, time lost for service in WWII and the Korean Conflict), Williams won six batting titles, and lead the AL in runs six times, RBI four times, home runs four times, doubles twice, walks eight times and total bases six times. He retired with a .344-521-1,839 stat line – and is the last MLBer to hit .400 for a season (.406 in 1941).

CF – Franklin “Death to Flying Things” Gutierrez … Now a lot of people probably expected to see Joe “The Yankee Clipper” DiMaggio or Ty “The Georgia Peach” Cobb in this spot.  However, based on the quality of the nickname, far-ranging outfielder Frank “Death to Flying Things” Gutierrez belongs here. In ten big-league seasons (2005-15, Indians and Mariners), Gutierrez captured one Gold Glove and put up a .258-82-314 stat line and was recognized with one awesome nickname.  Note: two players from the 1800s – Jack Chapman and Bob Ferguson also  were honored with this nickname.

RF – Stan “The Man” Musial … Hall of Famer Musial (who started more than 1,800 of his 3,026 game played in the outfield) was indeed “The Man” – and not just in Saint Louis (where he played from 1941-63).  He was respected for his bat and his attitude around baseball.  Musial was a seven-time batting champ and three-time MVP, who also led the NL in hits six times, runs scored five-times, doubles eight times, triples five times, and RBI twice. He retired with a .331 average, 3,630 hits 1,946 runs scored and 1,951 RBI.

If I had a bench for this squad, you might find such players as: Joe “The Yankee Clipper” DiMaggio;  “Rapid Robert” Feller; Babe “The Sultan of Swat” Ruth; Jimmy “The Beast” Foxx;  Don “Donnie Baseball” Mattingly; Roger “The Rocket” Clemens, Reggie “Mr. October” Jackson; Al “The Mad Hungarian” Hrabosky; Frank “The Big Hurt” Thomas; and Dwight “Dr. K” Gooden.

Again, all these choices are subjective.  BBRT would love to hear from readers on some of your favorite MLB nicknames.

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